Where to even begin. So many thoughts and praises and prayers swimming around in my head. This is my attempt to sum up the past months into one somewhat understandable blog post. I apologize for the mess. Here we go.
The past months have been trying, stretching, exhausting and yet not so bad, knowing that my God is so unbelievably faithful, just, true and good. He is Jehovah-Jireh, Jehovah-Rapha, Jehovah-Shalom. My God my Provider, Restorer, my God of peace. I knew all these things, but only through a series of events, trials, whatever you choose to call them, have I really been able to experience them. His hand upon my life has become so evident to Him. I long to draw closer, to have an even more intimate personal relationship with my Lord then I ever imagined. In the days leading towards Easter, I did a 54 day fast for clarity. I prayed every day for an answer and literally to the day, to the hour that I had asked every day for my answer, He gave it to me. Clearer than summer skies, clearer than a billboard on the highway, clearer than the purest water. I’ve never experienced clarity or faithfulness like that. I burst into tears of joy. My God is REAL. He is LIVING. He is ACTIVE. He moves in mysterious, wondrous ways. He IS a part of my daily life, slowly and gently guiding me in the right direction, allowing me to make my own decisions, but rewarding me when I choose to follow HIS plan. And after all is said and done, He does know what is best for me. He lifted the blinders and allowed me to see what I couldn’t see before. My desire for my life is whatever He wants for me. That’s it. My worldly desires are gone. I have died to my flesh. My Only Desire is Him and the plans He has created for me. Many of you know that my Dad has been job-less for nine months. through a roller coaster of suffering, learning, praying, growing and giving, He has provided like we knew He would! He has blessed my Dad with a job! He is SO Faithful and good. We never lost faith. We KNEW He would provide in His timing and it is a glorious thing to experience Him actively keeping His word. Incredible.
This is what the Word taught me and continues to teach me daily: “You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord! As a bridegroom rejoices over His bride, so will your God rejoice over you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal! Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance; with divine retribution He will come to save you! Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, He is doing a new thing! He makes everything beautiful in its time! For His thoughts are not our thoughts, Nor are His ways our ways. The LORD God is a sun and shield; He bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless! And seek First the Kingdom and all these things will be added to you. But we know in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose!”
How absolutely incredible is that?! He continues to blow me away daily. My heart is full. I still have my lonely days, as we all do, but I know there is hope and a light coming for the heart that holds on. Everything is in HIS perfect timing, He is so sovereign. I do not desire anything of this world, anything that is not of Him. There is such Freedom in living a life guided by the Spirit. I am trusting Him in everything. Where He wants me, Who He has for me, everything. It’s all in His hands, in His timing. I have no need to worry. I know I am on the edge of something new, I can feel it in my spirit. But no need to rush, to worry, to wonder. It’s in His hands! He has blessed me with the most incredible group of friends, and it’s beautiful to watch Him weave our lives and hearts together. I have never met such genuine people in my life. So loving, so spirit filled, so giving. I am so thankful for each and every one of you and I cannot wait to see where He takes us as we walk this journey together.
Father, I thank you so much for everything You’ve given me. I ask You to continue to draw me closer and closer to Your heart. Thank you for the incredible people you’ve placed in my life, You have blessed me far beyond what I deserve. Thank you for Your Son and Your Spirit, Your love, forgiveness and guidance. Without You, I am nothing. Give me the strength to continue to desire only what is Your will for me. Amen
